Every now and then I ask my husband if he's ready to get out of the Army, move to Alaska, build a cabin, and live the real life yet? He was willing after he came home from Iraq, but I wasn't ready. Now I'm ready but he wants to stay in the Army. We clearly are on different pages.
It's not just that I want to live in Alaska. I'm more after simplicity. I want to get back to the basics of life. Just to be able to peek outside and not have to worry about the fast-paced, false world we live in now. To see a wild animal or a wildflower. To see a sunset or watch the stars and breathe fresh, clean air. I long for all that.
No more soldiering. No more war. No more news. No more lies and tears and lonliness. No more putting my life on hold so he can do it all. Of course I'm proud of him, but I'm tired. And he is too.
Sometimes one can feel trapped to stay in this life. What will we do out there? How will we give the kids health insurance and a decent home, with food, toys, a future? Infantry skills are great for the Army, but I can't exactly kill people out there in America...
That's why I'm going to college my love, to become a nurse and make some money and help people all the while. So we can get out and look around and breathe again. See what life is really about. I have forgotten that world to the point that I am afraid of it, and you have forgotten it even more so than I. Here, on the inside, it get's so cold and lonely. The outside looks brand new and adventurous.
I miss my sister. She needs her big sister when that first little baby comes. I miss my parents. I want to know them again before they get to old and don't remember who I am. I know you miss your family, though you don't even seem to know who you are anymore.
I especially miss you, my love. There are so many divorces in this world. Everyone you and I know have been divorced or are unfaithful to each other. The rings on our fingers mean nothing to them, but it has always meant so much to us. Let's hold on to each other and get away while we still can...
So he has at least a couple more years on his contract. One can have a daydream moment, can't she?