30 November 2007

I believe I have finally pulled my head out from under the covers and can take a good look around. You'd think I'd been in depression the past few months and maybe I have. It's probably not to uncommon for a situation like mine, especially with a surprise move just before the holidays. I miss my family and thought I would be celebrating one last holiday season with them, but we have always known we could leave anytime and always made the most of each Thanksgiving and Christmas, knowing it could be our last with them for awhile. We have some good memories.

Back at Lewis I was within four hours driving time from my family so I never quite knew how other army families felt, being so far away from home. I wondered why many wives hid inside thier homes so much. Now I know. We really can't afford to fly us all out there and back this Christmas, and neither my husband nor I are from wealthy families so they can't help us out either. Oh well. At least I will be with my husband and my kids will be with thier daddy this Christmas, which is a miracle in itself at wartime for an active duty family.

Fort Sam is a slight disappointment, but I have to remind myself it's not the typical army post I am used to living on. This is more of a training/medical post and I rarely even see an army vehicle, rarely see army helicopters fly around, though I DO see alot of military funerals. I see plenty of AIT students, doctors and nurses, and wounded soldiers from Iraq.

The attitude is different here as well. The feeling in the air is of newbies who have yet to have a clue of what lies ahead of them-war. So many of them are focused on drinking, playing, and trying new sex partners every weekend, when they should be learning how to save lives and become real soldiers. My husband had some friends over once and they happened to bring along a female soldier and she spent the whole evening snuggling up to two different guys. Come to find out both guys were married, but not to her. I was disgusted that it was brought into my own home.

I know people will do what they want in this world, and I almost feel it was a curse to be brought up with the morals the way I was. It makes it difficult for me to be around this environment. I really believe seeing all the shit that goes on around here is what set me off into a depression. The reality of it all, and knowing my husband has to work right in the middle of it, and all I can do is trust.

Of course it's rampant all through out the army, but for some reason it is right in my face here, as much as I try to look the other way. I know single soldiers have a right to do what they want, but when a trusting wife is waiting back at home and female soldiers are trying to lay thier dirty claws into the married men just for the hell of it, I get sick. I've just seen way to much of it here.


Onto the lighter side of life, I found a ballet studio with a wonderful instructor and I look forward to my classes each week. They keep me alive really. Pirouette's and pointed toes and a dancer's demeanor. I just drink it all in. I have even picked up a yoga class, as odd as that class is to me. I have heard the health benefits are tremendous so I just had to try it. Hell, I may even start eating blueberries and oatmeal everyday. But I refuse to hug a tree- unless it's one of the Evergreens back home. I miss them that much.

I really want to post some positive, uplifting words but I have very little good to write. That is why it's been a month since I last posted. But life goes on just as it always does, so keeping busy with school, working, volunteering, and dancing just as I always have is what currently keeps me going.

Thanks to those who still come back here and read. I see there are still a few people left!

7 comments:

Vincent said...

Dear Jullie Anne,
My name is Vince and I am an Infantry Major serving in Eastern Baghdad as an advisor to the Iraqi Military. My beautiful Army wife of 17 years and I are both natives of San Antonio. This is the home of our Christmas memories, our families are both still there, and when we are away we miss them dearly. My wife and I got married just before the 1st Gulf War, and I left her alone at Fort Bragg, NC during this our first of many Army imposed separations. This first one was not easy, but neither has this last been. We have a four year old son (yes we had him late), and I miss him as much as I miss my wife. I understand your feelings and just want to let you know that there will be some wonderful times ahead for you with your extended Army Family. I have wonderful friends all over the world, some in and some now out of the Army, but people who have great hearts. While you are in San Antonio this Christmas please take your kids downtown to the River walk and let them see the Christmas lights that reflect so beautiful on the water. My wife and I fall in love with each other every time we see those lights. Now while you are down there, make sure you stop by the Rainforest Cafe with the kids and enjoy the jungle. Yes, my city is big and sprawling, but I love her history, her beautiful museums, and feeding the Deer at the Quadrangle. While you are there, can you see if they still have the Peacocks walking around the Fort Sam Quadrangle? When you have a chance sneak off to the McNay Museum. I love not just the art inside, but the lovely grounds. I still wish I could live there.
You are so right about the difference between a training post and what us "old timers" call a Divisional Post, where combat units are either at war or preparing for war. The larger Divisional Posts have so much more for the families, but Fort Sam has an entire city (Go Spurs), and even a few other hidden places. I will be joining my family just before the New Year, and before we leave for our next duty station (Vicenza, Italy) we will be in San Antonio for 20 days of leave. Maybe you will pass my wife and son in the PX or Commissary as they will be in San Antonio starting around the 15th of Dec. Whatever you do, keep enjoying the Dance and Yoga and please take your husband the kids and see those incredible lights.
Vince
OldGrunt

Vincent said...

Oh one last thought. The many funerals you see at Fort Sam National Semetary are a testimony to the Warriors who served during WWII, Korea and Vietnam. So many San Antonio families have served and continue to serve. My Grandpa (moms father), my father and many uncles are buried at Fort Sam. It is sad to think that every so often a young soldier from San Antonio is killed in Iraq or Afghanistan, but the majority of those being laid to rest are from the WWII, Korea and Vietnam era. Whenever a soldier from San Antonio is killed fighting in our current war, the Mayor of San Antonio attends the funeral as a show of respect to our fallen. God bless all our veterans old and young for their service, and may the family members of those who have passed continue to be proud of their loved ones service.
Vince
OldGrunt

missalexxx said...

Hi Julia Anna,

I still read your blog and enjoy it very much. I was an army girlfriend and my boyfriend was in Iraq for a very long time...sad to say it changed him for the worse. We aren't together anymore but I learned a lot about the military life and I just want to tell you that I think you're a strong woman. Moving like that is not easy. Hang in there and try to find the best in everything. Take care.

PS; i love your music.

coribear said...

Hi Julie Anna!

I ran across your blog (which is so beautifully written!) just browsing around. I am new to this military life. Christopher & I have about 2 more years before he gets out. He just returned from Iraq in October and is stationed in Hawaii now, but will be re-assigned to Ft. Hood soon. I am in Bryan College Station. I am from Texas, have friends at Ft. Sam, and I would love to email and maybe even get together sometime when we're in the area. Christopher & I have four little ones between 4 & 6 years old!! So, I'm busy! Anyway, I believe that being a military wife is the hardest job in the world, and you are doing a commendable job! Stay strong, and keep up the ballet (I love it too!)
Blessings,
Cori

TheUsualSuspect said...

It wouldn't be the least bit surprising that those would be the things to throw you into a depression. I really hate shit like that too, always have, but at the same time, there's a part of me that seeks out depravity. Like I just want to throw myself right in the middle of all the sordid depressing amoral fucked up things I can find. Not necessarily take part in them, just to be immersed in it.

Like Fox's, back in Tacoma. You catch yourself wondering what drugs this girl is on and how overdue her rent is despite the copious amounts of dude-cash she makes every night. Then you wonder what she was like as a little girl. Depressing.

I think it's that Catcher In The Rye syndrome. The good thing about it though is that if these places, people, and situations FEEL wrong and fucked up, it's because you're different, and better.

As for that army girl, well one day she'll be making breakfast when her kid asks, "Mommy, what is herpes?"

"Well sweetie, herpes is God's way of telling Mommy to slow down."

Don't worry, I'll be sure to get myself some therapy.

Daina said...

Excuse me,
But I am a female soldier, and I resent your words "dirty claws into the married men just for the hell of it." I understand there are female soldiers out there that do not act appropriately, but I see a hell of a lot more wives out clubbing and hooking up with various solders here at Fort Hood while their husbands are deployed. Believe me, my husband's fellow Infantry comrades are the first to tell you that they've been "banging" somebody's wife. Yes, I am married to a soldier, but I was in the military prior to my marriage. So I was one of those female soldiers that wives are always so worried about, and no, my husband was not with anyone when I met him. It doesn't matter whether women are soldiers, spouses, or daughters some of them have no morals and act very inappropriate without regard for their husbands', boyfriends', or families' feelings. You'd run into this despicable infidelity out in the civilian world, too, but they seem to keep it quieter. As for trusting your husband around all of the military's less glamorous lifestyle's, you're right, trust is all there is. Imagine your husband working in a corporate office where women regularly use their executive power to gain sexual favors and are always showing at least three inches of cleavage. Just be glad we all wear the same uniform. I am proud to be a soldier in the Army, and I take my job very seriously. Please do not lump all women together. You never know, you may find a best friend in a female soldier.

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