I believe I have finally pulled my head out from under the covers and can take a good look around. You'd think I'd been in depression the past few months and maybe I have. It's probably not to uncommon for a situation like mine, especially with a surprise move just before the holidays. I miss my family and thought I would be celebrating one last holiday season with them, but we have always known we could leave anytime and always made the most of each Thanksgiving and Christmas, knowing it could be our last with them for awhile. We have some good memories.
Back at Lewis I was within four hours driving time from my family so I never quite knew how other army families felt, being so far away from home. I wondered why many wives hid inside thier homes so much. Now I know. We really can't afford to fly us all out there and back this Christmas, and neither my husband nor I are from wealthy families so they can't help us out either. Oh well. At least I will be with my husband and my kids will be with thier daddy this Christmas, which is a miracle in itself at wartime for an active duty family.
Fort Sam is a slight disappointment, but I have to remind myself it's not the typical army post I am used to living on. This is more of a training/medical post and I rarely even see an army vehicle, rarely see army helicopters fly around, though I DO see alot of military funerals. I see plenty of AIT students, doctors and nurses, and wounded soldiers from Iraq.
The attitude is different here as well. The feeling in the air is of newbies who have yet to have a clue of what lies ahead of them-war. So many of them are focused on drinking, playing, and trying new sex partners every weekend, when they should be learning how to save lives and become real soldiers. My husband had some friends over once and they happened to bring along a female soldier and she spent the whole evening snuggling up to two different guys. Come to find out both guys were married, but not to her. I was disgusted that it was brought into my own home.
I know people will do what they want in this world, and I almost feel it was a curse to be brought up with the morals the way I was. It makes it difficult for me to be around this environment. I really believe seeing all the shit that goes on around here is what set me off into a depression. The reality of it all, and knowing my husband has to work right in the middle of it, and all I can do is trust.
Of course it's rampant all through out the army, but for some reason it is right in my face here, as much as I try to look the other way. I know single soldiers have a right to do what they want, but when a trusting wife is waiting back at home and female soldiers are trying to lay thier dirty claws into the married men just for the hell of it, I get sick. I've just seen way to much of it here.
Onto the lighter side of life, I found a ballet studio with a wonderful instructor and I look forward to my classes each week. They keep me alive really. Pirouette's and pointed toes and a dancer's demeanor. I just drink it all in. I have even picked up a yoga class, as odd as that class is to me. I have heard the health benefits are tremendous so I just had to try it. Hell, I may even start eating blueberries and oatmeal everyday. But I refuse to hug a tree- unless it's one of the Evergreens back home. I miss them that much.
I really want to post some positive, uplifting words but I have very little good to write. That is why it's been a month since I last posted. But life goes on just as it always does, so keeping busy with school, working, volunteering, and dancing just as I always have is what currently keeps me going.
Thanks to those who still come back here and read. I see there are still a few people left!