13 August 2009

My heart is broken. My husband was diagnosed with PTSD and TBI and life has been hell for more than two years because instead of getting the help he needs, he was shit on even more. We all were. Now we are back at Fort Lewis and my girls and I are living alone. He can barely function with out freaking out, and for safety sake has moved out. We are all getting counseling of all kinds but I can still barely breathe. I thought an army wife was supposed to be strong, just like her warrior husband... now we are all broken.

I love my husband and I am still here for him, despite the things he's done which I can't even begin to mention. He says his biggest fear is to lose me and the kids, then why can't he see that I'M STILL HERE?!

i'm still here...

8 comments:

Long-time RN said...

Damn, I'm so sorry you're all facing such struggles. Damn that your family was shit on instead of helped. I sincerely hope Lewis is providing the necessary therapy and intervention.

Barely breathing,heartbroken, living alone with the girls. A friggin mess, Julie Anna. But you're 'still here'. That's courage and fortitude. I hope and pray the pieces start coming together in the days ahead.

(((Hugs)))

Christa said...

I used to read your blog all the time, I'm an Army Wife too and I felt a little less lonely when I read your words. I understand why you stopped writing for awhile. Glad to see you are in counseling. PTSD, is a horrible, ugly, terrifying monster. I know all too well. Just happened to click on your blog and was happy to see you writing again, I hope you keep it up I hope it helps you heal. Share your beautiful words, I'll be praying for you, and for your family.

God bless

We are here for you.

Long-time RN said...

Stopping by to say hi and thinking of you.

Charla said...

Hi JulieAnna, I don't know if you remember me but this is Charla! My heart broke as I read your post! You see, my husband and I have been separated for over a year now and are going through a nasty divorce mostly because of PTSD! Our problem was not lack of help, but his refusal to seek it! Our problems started out small with bickering and arguing over stupid things, but quickly escalated to physical abuse not only toward me, but my children! It finally ended with him going to jail! We're now living a thousand miles apart, he's been separated from the Army for Domestic Abuse, and everything is just a mess! I pray things turn out better for you!

I feel your pain, I feel your heartache and your fear! I'm so sorry you're family is going through this! I know the pain all too well and I wouldn't wish it on anyone! My world has been torn apart this past year and a half and somedays I wonder if I'll ever get it back! I loved my husband with every ounce of my body, and despite all that's happened I still do! I begged my husband to get help and I'm so happy that you and your husband are doing that! He's lucky to have a strong wife who loves him despite all that's happened! I pray that he realizes that and continues to get the help he needs so your family can be together again! Most of all, I pray that no matter what happens in the future, you can find peace within yourself! That's what will get you through always! All My Love, Charla!

Windbender said...

Thanks for being there for him, in spite of all...you and the girls are the light leading the way home... The overwhelming unfairness and irony of it all is the greatest stressor of all.

It's hard to stay focused, under the circumstances, but you can prevail, if you do not let them take away your power; in your case, your writing. Mission focus is a survival skill.

Your Truth is America's Truth. So, fan the embers of that light that I mentioned, earlier. It will attract many others, and become a brightening glow on the horizon, lighting the way home for the many others, still to be lost in the fog of war, trying to find their way home.

You are not alone...

Semper Fi...

cliff said...

Just Another Nam Vet
Julie, I for one can not give advice. I know what I would do in your situation. That action would be to gather your children up in your arms and simply walk away. When I returned home I was pretty messed up. Home was no longer home it was as though my very soul was left behind in Nam and I couldn't shake it. Luckly no one was hurt in my struggles except for myself. But the anger the feeling of being lost remained for a long time. Almost 25 years of drugs and booze to drown out or drown in. Possibly your husband may workout his problems it will take time. Look out for Number 1 you and your children.Peace and Light. Just Another Nam Vet

Nicole said...

Hi Julie. We have a lot in common. My husband was actually medically retired from the Marine Corps in 2008 because of his PTSD and TBI. He was part of Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom. We've been going through all the junk you've mentioned (even separation) for over two years now, and I know exactly what you're feeling. Contact me on here if you need support and a shoulder and/or an ear. I'm here for you.

What I really want to say is that it's not the end of all things. There are ways to cope, and there are people you can talk to who actually help. We've gone through counseling for this whole thing too. There's a lot more I want to say, but I don't want to make it uncomfortable for anyone else reading this. Contact me if you want a friend who gets it. [hug]

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