20 June 2010

The other day I saw a helicopter chasing a smaller one all around post. They were obviously having alot of fun. The thing I liked most was the giant JAWS teeth painted on the larger helicopter, like a mouth. I had to look twice to make sure I was seeing correctly. It's been awhile since there's been some lighthearted fun around here.

My husband is still receiving the help he should have gotten along time ago. So far so good. Even I have been getting help for awhile now and feel like I am seeing things through new eyes. The fog has diminished quite a bit. Though I will never let my guard fully down again, I do smile alot more and have a better outlook on life. I can't look at female soldiers without getting sick to my stomach so I avoid most places on post. The male soldiers aren't as bad, never have been. Marriage therapy has helped tremendously and I can honestly say my husband and I are friends again for the first time in years. He has gone out of his way to prove his devotion to me and our children and though he is still learning to fully feel again, he told me he sees me as his safe place. I'm happy about that. I hope I can truly say the same about him again someday. PTSD is so real. I know alot of wives out there know what I am talking about.

Summertime is here according to the calendar. The clouds and rain still think they belong, and I still wear sweaters, coats, and boots. I wonder if it's because I lived in the hot South for two years. I just can't seem to warm up. I still make beef stroganoff in the crock pot as though it were the dead of winter and sip on hot cocoa.

The 4th of July is just around the corner. I have always loved the fireworks show the army puts on for us. We'll have a BBQ...maybe even get a little sun. I don't see very many flags on the houses here on post, not even on flag day. We haven't put ours up since the day my husband got back from war. I love my freedom, as we all do. I think we are all just tired. Imagine that.

I can tell alot of soldiers have returned. I don't dare drive on post or just outside of the gates in the morning, lunchtime, or after work. SO CROWDED. I hope I start to write again. I'd like to have a little more of my memories recorded here because I'm not sure how much longer my husband will be in the army. I'm turning in applications to nursing schools now and where I go is where we will go, for a change. Unless Uncle Sam has other plans, but I don't think so.


Claire King said...

Lovely, thoughtful writing. I am currently going through a divorce. I applaud you & your husband for seeking counseling. My husband would not do that for me. I felt "unworthy" though I know I am. Our marital problems seem so small compared to your aches. Good Luck.

Long-time RN said...

So good to see a post, Julie Anna.
Progress in small steps. Not easy for either of you, but bravo for continued efforts to make it work.

I'm so glad to read you're pursuing your degree. Your strength, understanding and compassion will be felt by those you care for.

Wishing you an abundance of wind beneath your wings. Take good care.

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you have continued to write through it all and I hope things continue to get better. To go with all the bad, life should offer some fun time occasionally and some friends to share its happenings. Cheers.

Loryn said...


I came across your blog & I really hope you come back to blogger, because I would love to read more!

I'm following!